Parenting and family, served with a shot of vodka
After I wrapped up writing reality TV recaps for two different websites a few years ago, I took a break from watching my beloved Real Housewives shows.
It was one of the most fun gigs I’ve had as an entertainment writer, but after four years of watching every episode of every housewife in every city, I got burned out on constantly digesting the drama and the jackassery.
But, I’ve recently started watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills again. Just for pleasure this time, not for work. And let me tell you, it’s like a whole new show when you’re not taking detailed notes on Brandi Glanville’s potty talk, or Kyle Richards’ rocky relationship with her wacky sister, Kim.
It’s the brain candy I’ve been needing during a super busy couple of months.
It also got me thinking again about real reality. Not the kind you see on TV. The kind that normal people are living.
So, here’s a little dose of reality from regular person. Eat your heart out, Lisa Vanderpump!
— Roughly 2/3 of my meals consist of things my children don’t finish eating.
— If there is blank paper and a writing utensil within reach of my five-year-old son, there is a 80 percent chance I will see something like this written on it:
— There is a moment each night when I finally get the last kid nestled into bed, when my heart starts beating faster because I’m *thisclose* to my freedom for the night. As I tiptoe out the door, I hear, “Mommy! I’m pooping.”
— When I pick up my kindergartner at the bus stop, the bus is *only* late on days when it is four degrees outside, with a wind chill factor of Eff This.
— After an hour picking up the play room — and I mean really getting it together, good enough to pass muster when someone new is coming over — I drop the last toy into the last container. Then, I turn around. Kids can make a mess with Olympic speed, man.
— Lately, I have to *invite* one of the kids to come to the bathroom with me so they won’t injure each other in a spontaneous WWE match during the 90 seconds I’m peeing.
— If the dog takes two dumps during our walk, I will only have one waste bag left. If she only poops once, the one bag I have will have a hole in it.
Now, that’s some real housewife stuff right there. Good night, y’all!