Parenting and family, served with a shot of vodka
My children are five and two years old, and have no problems speaking their minds. These two are precious, smart and awesome tots, I promise.
But I’ve come to discover there’s so much more to what kids say than the words alone convey. Nobody really warned me about this kind of thing before I had kids, but if you’re a new parent maybe some of these will help you down the road.
What they say: Mom, can I please have a snack?
What they mean: I want Goldfish, woman, and I want them in a bucket. By the way, did you renew the Costco membership yet?
What he says: Can we listen to “Gentleman”?
What he means: Can we listen to the same song on repeat every single time we play music, from now until eternity, or until you want to stab out your ear drums with an ice pick?
What he says: Can I play with the Spanish language app on your phone?
What he means: Can I play with the Spanish language app on your phone after I take 147 selfies, then go through your text messages and discover a few new words, but not the ones you were hoping I’d learn?
What she says: I want daddy! See also: I want mommy!
What she means: You have just denied me something that I really want. I am two, so I will remedy that by first rejecting you, then screaming at the top of my lungs for approximately five minutes. But while those five minutes are happening, it will actually seem like 20.
What they say, together: Mom, come look at this!
What they mean: You’ll probably want to grab a glass of wine before you come look at this.