Parenting and family, served with a shot of vodka
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably soiled yourself after being assaulted by previews for the upcoming horror flick, “Annabelle.” Haunted dolls? Aw, hell to the no. Plus, the particular doll in that movie is so creepy looking, dude.
And let’s be honest: It’s easy to flip about about dolls, especially when you’re a parent and have approximately 4,971 of them scattered about your house.
Still, I couldn’t help but think some of the dolls around here could start pulling their weight. I mean, do something, for cryin’ out loud, so long as it’s not evil. Here are some good candidates:
Cookie Monster: When you have munchkins, you inevitably own millions of snacks that will call your name from the cupboards after the tots are fast asleep. So, yes, Mr. Monster, you may raid my cupboards at midnight. Better you than me.
Bob the Builder: The arm came off my daughter’s vintage rocking chair, our bathrooms could use some updating and I’d love to have some handmade bookcases. Bob, these things are calling your name, big fella.
Rapunzel: My daughter loves to pretend she’s sweeping the floor with Rapunzel’s hair. She’s definitely on to something. Rapunzel = Disney Swiffer. Yes, please.
Snow White: Speaking of princesses, I wonder if Snow White could clean up for us like she did the seven dwarfs? Maybe just put away some laundry and clean the bathroom every now and then? In return, I will make sure she doesn’t suffer the indignities that often come with being manhandled by little ones, including, but not limited to: having her undies showing at all times, having her lovely shoes keeping dust bunnies company under the couch, and having a rat’s nest for hair.
Dora the Explorer: Dora, your mission is simple: Find out where the HELL all the missing socks go. Stuff those bad boys inside Backpack and bring them back to us!