The Wild Rumpus

Parenting and family, served with a shot of vodka

EOTW: A Birthday With Pantiliner on My Face

My Broken Nose Saga of 2014 is drawing to a close, but not without producing my Embarrassment of the Week.

Last Friday, I had a minor, non-invasive procedure to help straighten out a small bend in my schnoz. It was the result of a nasal fracture, which happened after my Sweet Pea accidentally headbutted me in the face during a sweet moment of cuddle time three weeks ago.

Everything now seems to be back in place, but the bummer is that I spent the better part of the week (which included my birthday) wearing this cast-like shell on my nose. If a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and a pantiliner made babies, it would look like this.

This thing. Ugh, good riddance.

This thing. Ugh, good riddance.

Let me tell you, nothing feels more glamorous than turning *cough, cough* years old with this thing on board.

I managed to stick around home for the first three days, because embarrassing! Plus, after a brief period of feeling great, I had a raging headache for two solid days after.

But on Tuesday, I needed some stuff from Target. By that time, I was used to how the cast felt, but wasn’t thrilled about going public. And let me tell you something: My instincts were right. People are some staring mofos, man.

I get it. It looks strange. And while in general I don’t really care what people think, I was stunned about how obviously people were about their gawking. And yes, it was embarrassing.

One little kid, his eyes wide and skeptical, loudly asked his mom, “what’s wrong with that lady’s face?” Now that, I understand. My own children say inappropriate things all the time. But it still sucked, because who wants to scare a child who was just innocently surveying superhero shirts moments before?

Anyway, words cannot express my glee when the cast finally fell off on Wednesday night. And when I saw that my nose seemed straight again underneath, I was super happy.

So, here it is. As my daughter calls it, my “new, old nose.”

Also pictured: New fall hair.

Also pictured: New fall hair.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt anymore, now that the bone is back in place. And I can breathe better. This weekend is already going to be 100 percent better than last.

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This entry was posted on November 21, 2014 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , .

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