Parenting and family, served with a shot of vodka
More than 20 years ago, Ice Cube released “It Was a Good Day,” a classic hip-hop song recounting the rapper’s idea of a flawless day. His dream day included watching Yo! MTV Raps, the Lakers beating the Supersonics, and a phone call from a girl he liked.
This song came up on my playlist today as I was driving to pick up Superhero from school to go to his dentist appointment, and it got me daydreaming… What would a perfect parenting day be like?
When they called my son back to get his teeth cleaned, I sat in the waiting room and made a list of things that would make for a terrific day:
— The pediatric dentist office would play a cool mix of old funk, R&B and hip-hop tunes, or show Real Housewives of New York in the waiting room.
— The thin, delicate skin on the arch of my foot would never be impaled by a Lego or Hot Wheel.
— My toilet seat would not be coated with a barely-visible spray of little boy’s pee, which is only detectable after sitting down in it.
— My children don’t argue over breakfast about who had more bear shapes in their bowl of Snackimals.
— Nobody cries for 10 minutes over a broken graham cracker.
— My cooking does not set off any fire alarms.
— No beloved dolls go missing, and on top of that, we finally find Elsa’s missing blue shoe.
— The ratio of remaining string cheese to children is equal.
— When a small child exclaims “shit!” at the library, it is not my offspring, so it is OK to laugh.
— Once I finally sit down on the couch around 8:15 p.m., for the first time in hours, no children call me back upstairs because their blanket isn’t working right.
— A 24-hour period elapses without once hearing “Let it Go.”
— I remain completely dry while administering baths.
— Nobody would ever forget to flush the toilet.
— The kids eat the dinner they previously requested, and dinner time doesn’t take 60 minutes or more.
— I can use the restroom without A) all hell breaking loose outside the door; B) a parade of children and the dog barreling through the door; or C) my 2-year-old daughter asking if she can sit on my lap.
— I don’t get asked questions regarding any of the following: How babies get into (or out of) mommy’s tummies, privates, death, farts, math, or any other topics that I am ill-prepared to answer on the spot.
This definitely isn’t a comprehensive list, but it was as far as I got before Superhero emerged from his appointment with his goody bag of dental hygiene products, jumbo balloon and balloon animal in hand. (Yes, our children’s dentist rocks it out after the kids are done.)
And guess what? He had perfect teeth, no cavities. Guess I should add that to the ideal day list, too.
What would you add?