The Wild Rumpus

Parenting and family, served with a shot of vodka

My daughter should be banned from my music and other realizations

It’s about that point in summer where parents are riding the cusp of “I love having all this fun with my kids!” and “How many days until school starts again?”

That is to say, I’ve been having a blast with my munchkins, but mama is tiiiiired. The sun has sucked the hair color from my tresses, my skin looks like beef jerky and my patience is definitely not at its peak.

Last week, I had a series of epiphanies. Maybe they’ll help you in your own life, or perhaps you’ll read this and think I’m a moron to have not thought of these sooner.

Either way, here they are. Thanks for popping by!

1. Don’t introduce music you like to your children.

Oh sure, you’ll think it’s a fab idea at first because you’re sick of hearing all their crappy songs. But then you’ll end up listening to “Uptown Funk” eight times in a row on the way to IKEA, or “Bad Blood” 11.5 times en route to the outlet mall.

And then you’ll want to jam an ice pick into your eardrum when you hear the song formerly known as your favorite. Some things are better kept to yourself.

It was fun while it lasted, Taylor.

It was fun while it lasted, Taylor.

2. Don’t be a quitter.

For reasons that seem beyond ridiculous now, my husband and I tried to cut coffee cold turkey last Monday. I know. We’re fools!  After a full day of a foggy brain and excruciating headache, we were like, WHAT ARE WE DOING?!

If my body could talk to my brain, this is how the conversation would have gone.

If my body could talk to my brain, this is how the conversation would have gone.

Tuesday morning, I drank enough java to make up for Monday’s loss and I felt like a million dollars. Never again will I forsake you, coffee.

3. Sometimes, it’s okay to ignore your gut.

So, I was PMSing and bloated when I went swimsuit shopping in June. Perfect day for it, right? As I looked in the dressing room mirror at the fun, retro polka dot suit, my puffy state convinced me to go the next size up.

This isn't my actual suit, but close.

This isn’t my actual suit, but close.

Then last week, I was jumping out of the pool water to surprise and delight my children. Instead, I got my own shock.

The water made the slightly big suit loosen up *thismuch*, so as I bolted straight up, my blinding white boob broke free of its polka dot confine, flopping about for the whole park to see.

Kill me now.

Kill me now.

I quickly stuffed my breast back into place, but my pride didn’t recover so quickly.

The lessons here: Don’t shop for suits when you’re bloated. And if you’re buying a one-piece swimsuit and you don’t feel like a sausage stuffed into its casing, you probably want one size smaller.

4. It’s OK to be temporarily uninformed.

It’s been a gut-wrenching stretch in the area of current events. Between Billy Cosby and the Charlotte church shooting; Sandra Bland and Samuel DuBose; Cecil the Lion and another movie theater shooting, I need a break.

Over the past few months, musicians I interviewed for music stories in Louisville have been shot and killed, and another acquaintance there just lost his son to senseless violence. There are more horrors from my own hometown, but I don’t even want to get into that.

Look, I know there’s a lot of good in the world too, but I need a breather from the horror show. I don’t digest news, I always ingest it. I can’t help it. And it’s making me too damned depressed.

Where is the love, y’all? Where is the respect for ALL living, breathing people and beings?

I’m grateful my kids are small, because I need many more years of parenting experience to figure out how to talk to my children about stuff like this.

I don’t want to wrap up on such a Debbie Downer note, so…

5. Witnessing elation is the best cure for the blues.

Last week, I took my daughter to an awesome splash park for the first time. I knew she’d love it, but I was not prepared for the nirvana she would experience.

For hours, she dashed about, splashing haphazardly through each stream of water, all the while yelling, “Wheeeeee! Wooo hoo! AMAZING!” Other people were watching and laughing at the contagious enthusiasm she was dishing out.



As she was whizzing past me, she suddenly stopped and asked, “Mom, do you know why I’m screaming right now?,” a ginormous smile plastered across her small, wet face.



IMG_4178 IMG_4180

This day brought so much joy to my soul. Which is why I’m going to ignore the news for a bit and focus on the pure moments with my children.

And coffee. Coffee cures the blues, too.

Have a good week, everybody.

2 comments on “My daughter should be banned from my music and other realizations

  1. joey
    August 14, 2015

    Water parks FTW!


    • Maisy Fernandez
      August 17, 2015

      Yes — a win for everyone! Because the kids are always tuckered out. Bedtime is soooo easy on these days.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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