Parenting and family, served with a shot of vodka
Recently, I watched The Peanuts movie again with Sweet Pea and Superhero.
It took me back to childhood. As I reminisced, I delighted in the shenanigans between Charlie and Lucy. The deep friendship between Snoopy and Woodstock. The potential stalking tendencies of Sally.
But one thing that changed was my newfound sympathy for the Peanuts parents. Because that person that sputters “wah-WAH-wah-wah-wah-WAH” all the time? That’s me, dudes.
When the kids get the occasional hearing test during yearly physicals, it’s sometimes shocking to find out they actually passed. Because what I say and what they take from it are two different things.
What I say: “Hey kiddos, it’s time to come eat breakfast!”
What they hear: Keep playing until your oatmeal has coagulated into a thick block, and then complain that breakfast doesn’t taste good.
What I say: “Please put on your shoes.”
What they hear: Turn your head approximately one centimeter to the right, then proclaim ‘I looked everywhere! My shoes are lost!’ and continue about your business of not putting on shoes.
What I say: “Let’s keep the house clean. We have people coming over in 15 minutes.”
What they hear: Immediately locate and empty every, single container of Legos, plastic play food, flash cards, Matchbox cars, My Little Ponies, plus the 48-pack of markers and the 64-box of Crayolas.
What I say: “Guys, please keep hands to yourselves!”
What they hear: Let’s see who needs an ice pack first!
Then there’s the flip side — and the most hysterical part of The Communication Divide. When the communication benefits them, not only can they suddenly hear and comprehend, they react with supersonic speed.
What I say: “Does anyone want dessert?”
What I say: “It’s Friday night. Should we stay up late and watch a movie?”
On the couch, five seconds later:
What I say: “Do you guys want to go to the beach?”
I blink one time:
Even though they practice selective hearing 90 percent of the time, it’s hard not to crack up and appreciate each stage of childhood as it comes. Wah-WAH-wah-WAH-WAH-wah-wah.
Oh, you didn’t get that? Sorry. That was Peanuts-speak for “Even though they can be frustrating, I love these munchkins with all my heart, to the moon and back to infinity and beyond.”And I’m telling you instead of them, because…
What I say: “I love you kids sooooooooo much!”
What they hear: She is feeling sappy. Now is a good time to hit her up for dessert.